We, The Living

I just got off reading Ayn Rand's 'We, The Living'. And I don't know what to say....

The feeling one gets as they finish her book....It's difficult to explain but I will try.... The sense of despair that washes over you, the despondency that settles in you as you realize that everything she has written is true. 

The book contain the protagonist, Kira returning to her home town in Russia post the revolution. This book is said to be Ayn Rand's first book against Communism. There are three main characters in the book to look out for - Kira, Leo and Andrei. 

While Andrei is communist and talks about living for the society and serving the society selflessly, Leo is anti-communist and wants to live for himself and does not believe in selfless service. Kira is also anti-communist and live to fulfill her dreams. Doesn't seem complicated does it? 

As the story moves on, one reads the situation prevalent there and Kira's and Leo's struggle against that difficult system. One is blacklisted if one does not go out of the way to serve society and if one was an aristocrat. It shows the society losing it's luster. It depicts Kira losing her fight as she discovers that she cannot live for herself.

Most of Ayn Rand's books make you think, think deeply. 

This book really touched me because like Kira says in the book, it is inconceivable that one live only for the society. Just imagine, if the society were to impose on us such a ruling that anything and everything that we are to do is to be linked with helping the society. It would be such that any frivolity, any entertainment will be frowned upon. One will not be allowed to read, listen to music , dance or do anything that is considered a waste to the society. All that one does is the work decided by the state and whether you are good at what you do is not considered. The only thing that is considered is the contribution to you society. And scorn be on you if you expect high remuneration for the service that you do.

This is the horrifying way in which the post revolution state has been depicted. I just cannot imagine living in a world like that. 

Ayn Rand has written so beautifully that there are those instances where I was so moved, so frustrated by the system that Kira in me rose up to the surface. I wanted to infuse strength to Kira, wanted her to try and get out of the system and live her life and her dream.

Kira's words give much room for thought. Life is desolate and has no meaning if we aren't living for ourselves and pursuing the goals we want to pursue. Whether it be things for society, or for family or just for ourselves, unless we are self motivated to do them it will be neigh impossible to do them. Won't life lose it's meaning if we cannot see where we are going and if we cannot serve in the way we know best??? 

These are questions I ask myself. Life has a lot to offer us. I believe that as long as we know where we want to go and accept life with open arms and work constantly for it, we will and we can reach those goals. 

Crochet....

 I have grown up watching my mother stitch. Crochet, knitting, embroidery......you name it and it seemed that she could do all these different types of stitching...this was my understanding when I was in the 8th standard or so...

I still remember going to another aunty to learn crochet though my mother stitched quite a lot of crochet. You see, I didn't want to learn from my mother...All my friends were going to another person to learn and I too wanted to learn. So determined I was to go, that I actually did. We didn't learn just crochet but we learnt other things too.. Unfortunately I don't remember what it is that I was to have learnt during the session. But what I do remember is that when I was done with the course I still couldn't stitch.

With my nose high up in the air, I declared to my mom that I wasn't going to 'waste' my time stitching the doilies that she kept stitching. I decided to stick to the Anchor stitch kits and cross stitch patterns.  Embroidery too wasn't my forte so I decided not to risk doing too much of that.

But in course of time, as I saw the beautiful things that my mom made, I changed my mind and decided to learn crochet. My first project was a 'carrot bookmark' which was as long as the palm of my hand. It definitely did not look like a carrot. I wish I had a picture to show that utter disaster. It was such a flop that I was scared to try again. And as I said earlier I was determined not to 'waste' my time on doilies and make only useful things as bookmarks and bags and the such.

I began by making scrunchies. That was definitely a crazy phase where I think I influenced my mom too, to abandon her projects for a while to make a few scrunchies. These small projects taught me my basics in crochet and I ended up having a dozen or two scrunchies in all the colors imaginable. My only frustration at these moments were when I couldn't stitch as fast as my mom. You see , I had started ,learning but I wanted to be as fast, as neat and as accomplished as her. No small feat, huh?

I haven't yet reached that stage, but I am still learning and have a long way to go as she is far ahead, doing new exciting and beautiful things. Some so complicated that I still haven't got the courage to start them.

Well...Let me now get back to where I was...

Yeah once I had done with the scrunchies, I didn't do anything much for some time. I was in Amrita and I couldn't spend much time stitching. But once in a while I did escape home and towards the end of my graduation in Amrita and the year after that I had four major projects completed. I had made two bags and two doilies.

                                                            My first doily

                     My second bag - I had to finish this to take to college and show off

"Doilies?",the question may pop into your mind. Yes, 'Doilies', I changed my mind they are after all pretty things and do have their decorative uses. :)

I don't remember the other small things that I have made over the past 2-3 years. There have been small projects like pencil boxes, cell phone pouches and book marks. Some of these I still have and some have been given to friends.

Pretty long post...Don't you think? And I still haven't got to where I wanted to go. I still haven't penned down what I really wanted to. So here goes...hoping that I am not boring the people out there...

I had gone to Bangalore for my summer project and although I never carried any thread and needle, I decided to raid the stash that mom had taken to Bangalore for my own purpose. I thought to myself that I would make something nice and do something useful during those two months.

I don't think I did much stitching,other than a few small things - doilies, cell phone cover and a book mark. But my time in Bangalore ended up with Santhy, a good friend of mine, wanting to learn crochet. And I was more than happy to teach her the little I knew.

                                           Santhy's First Project for her niece

                                                     Her second project

And I never imagined that any body else would be interested to learn. But when I got back to Rajagiri I found out that Santhy's sister had learnt from Santhy and has started crocheting. She also made a cap as her first project.

So do you think it ended there? By now am sure that you would have guessed how the story would carry on from here. So if you are exasperated with my really long post then you can close this and go, else please do go on...:)

Well after I returned to college (Rajagiri), I had so many projects in my mind. Things that I wanted to do that I brought threads, needles and patterns to the hostel. Seeing my projects and seeing Santhy's project, more people wanted to learn and make things.

Uma first jumped in as she was able to obtain the thread and needle. She started making a lace edging for a kerchief

She still has two more rows to go...But just look at that, isn't it amazing? And now she has also started on a cap...

The cap

                                                Uma working hard on her cap


Just a few days and she is all set. Uma, if you are reading this, 'Don't blush, you are doing an amazing job...'

And then Rimjim, Gincy joined the bandwagon. They had been pestering me for a really long time to teach them but we got the wool and the needles only recently.

          Gincy being thrilled with the stitches she is learning and the amount stitched

  Rimjhim and Santhy on Rimjhim's stitching - She is working at perfecting her stitches

Both Gincy and Rimjhim are now in the process of making a doily. And quite successfully too, if I may add. They are both on the 3rd row and it is not a very simple one (my bad choice) but they are working wonders. I don't have photos to show of their progress but they sure are making progress.

So why am I saying all this. I set out to write about all this because teaching my friends the very little I know, had been a really wonderful experience for me. To see the thrill on their faces when they learn a new stitch, complete a row...The feeling is just amazing...

So this is just a note (and a really long one at that) to tell my friends that these days when they have been stitching have been really wonderful for me. Wonderful to see them create, wonderful to see their joy and also a morale booster for me.

And to end it all....No matter how the world changes, there will be people who are fascinated by crochet and who want to learn and create stuff.....And so the legacy continues....

Life.....

As a part of the learning in life, we go through many institutions, many incidents (that we term learning experiences) and even many people (with their takes and insights on life). How much have we learnt from these and how much has this contributed in helping us cope with life?

As life goes on, the realization that all the fancy institutions and experiences may not help us to cope with certain incidents strikes me hard. At these moments, it is only the faith in god and the support of those who are dear to you that takes you through these moments...moments that seem insufferable.

So why is it that none of these fancy institutions do anything to teach us to cope? If you ask this, like I asked aloud and spend some time on the question, you will have the same realization that I did. All our schools and colleges play a major role and they do teach us to cope in many ways.  From making new friends, to defining priorities among friends, or to just deciding whether or not to take part in something,,everything makes us cope. there are instances when you decide to do something and it lands you into trouble at school or college and you have to cope with the situation of either getting punished or receiving a rebuke from parents or friends or even teachers.

As I look back, I find that most situations that I have found myself in and thought that I would never survive, I have survived. And as I look back, may be there are specific instances and incidents that can be counted...those that have helped me come out whole though not unscathed. But the things that stands out the most are the faith in god and support of dear ones, like I mentioned earlier.

 When these situations do happen one knows not what to do and where to turn. Will things be alright or will they get worse. These questions get compounded whether or not the situation was of your own making. And these questions and doubts go round and round in your head, making in impossible to think of anything else or do anything else. At moments like these, all you wish for ...is it to stop...atleast in your head. Sometimes you know that things are going to be alright but those games in you head just won't stop.

Very tempting isn't it, to put your hands to your ear and to scream at life and tell it that you won't play unless life makes the game fair. But life in never fair in the short run. Sometimes you have good luck and sometimes you don't. For somethings you have good luck and for some things you don't.

C'est La Vie!!! Have to take it as comes....

So at moments like this....remind yourselves as I remind myself...to take a deep breath....pray to God and count on your dear ones to be their for you....

Change....

I read somewhere,,,'Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back everything is different...'


When I read this statement, it seemed to be profound. It is just a simple statement...something we really don't ponder much on. But those moments that we realise that things have changed, these words make so much sense.

Why is it that we never discern the change as and when it happens.....But when we realize the change, the magnitude of that change leaves us speechless.

It reminds of the the book 'Who moved my cheese?' by Spencer Johnson.

When I read the book, I identified with both Hem and Haw with respect to the fears they had in accepting the change. But I also felt that regardless of what the change was, if it was really stark and staring me right at the face I would have acted like Scurry and the other mouse whose name I don't really remember.

But now I realise that things change and it is only when everything associated with it changes...that I even realize that things have changed. Confusing isn't it?

I guess I am not putting it down too clearly.

No matter how I look back to discern the moment the change began...I can't pinpoint the moment. As I look back now probably there were signs that things were changing but I guess those were small signs...signs that we don't usually look out for. And these small changes grow bigger and bigger until we can't help but accept that change has occurred.

So what happens next?

I hope at least the next time I realise when these changes happen...and I learn to accept these changes...

And so it comes to an end

Two months of hard work, a few days of tension and the pressure surmounted and reached its peak today. The last person exited the viva panel, and even though the results weren't yet out, the tension dissipated.

Everybody standing around in circles, discussing those moments in their respective vivas and then gradually moving on to other interesting topics.

Two months of work and your fate decided in 20 minutes????

It didn't seem fair. After all we slogged during this time and put in our best efforts and our reports were given only to our mentors for cross checking. We argued within ourselves, "Aren't they supposed to read our reports if they wanted to question us on the project?".

It seems not. All they wanted was us to do a presentation. It was a easy session for a few and a grueling session for a few others.

But what can we do...when they dismiss the project without a second glance, with just a nod, with arguments on its mistakes and so on....and all without our report being read.

A few relieved faces and a few tense ones...It was difficult to congratulate friends on their doing the viva well and in the same breath consoling those who didn't.

As those discussions abated, people were just relieved - whether or not the viva went well, it was done and over with and nothing further could be done for now.

Now as we await the results, all most of us can think of are the classes and the fun that we are to have this trimester!!!

And so we begin to plan......

A sense of peace...

Today I went to Amrita - not the one at Amritapuri but to the one at Kochi. A different place and a different ambiance....

Why did I go? I just went....I just wanted to go...I wanted 'that' bracelet which I used to wear when I was in Amrita. It used to give me a lot of peace and I believed in its power.

Neethu, Rakhi and I went there and we saw the place from top to bottom. I do not know what I expected to see there but I wanted glimpses into my life at Amritapuri....I came away with my bracelet and the need to go to Amritapuri, to my college and my Ashram.

After I got the bracelets (for a few others too) and returned to the hostel, I decided that I would wear mine only after doing Reiki on it and protecting it. 

I sat down and started channelizing the energy....The emotions, the calmness and that quiet pulse of energy....a sense of peace washed over me...and now I sit calm and composed,writing this down and feeling the most relaxed that  I have felt in days.

I do not know whether it was the Amrita feeling or the bracelet or the Reiki that did it... All I know is that I am at peace...

Blogging!!!

I have been wanting to write a great many things for the past many days. But the day the inspiration strikes me, I get loaded with mountains of work. And the days during which I have time to actually sit down and pen my thoughts, I get a bloc.

Can I call it a writer's bloc???

Well....I am not much of a writer but bloc or no bloc I have decided to pen down my thoughts in those small moments that I get.

I need to write much more. It will improve my writing....Whether it improves my writing or not, to put down those words and sentences gives me a much needed relief.

So hopefully I stick to what I say and write down here those sad, happy and irritating moments!!!

Ciao for now readers!!!!