The class is going on and I sit here listening to everyone talk. We have just been divided into groups and we need to move out into our assigned classroom for the group exercise.
Everybody is talking and a sense of foreboding passes over me. So many things to do and so little time...Will everything be alright? Should I be more assertive on the matter or should I just let the sleeping dogs lie?
I remembered my post on Facebook. Something that I posted a few days back. " Life is a journey, Nothing is ever predictable and everything depends on the choice that we make". And suddenly at this juncture I really did not know what choice to make. It is my life and my choice and I really did not want to make the wrong choice. What do I do? What do I do first? Should I inform others? Will I be able to do my work on time and many more.
I know not many of them are big issues. They are all small things which I usually handle with care. But today I am unable to decide and unable to act. A sense of helplessness washes over me.
I close my eyes....I let my mind drift....A smile flashes by....A sight crosses my mind. Lizzie crosses the rods filled with slush wanting to reach Jane, hoping that her sister is doing good....Darcy finding himself falling in love with Lizzie.....His awkward proposal.....Her refusal.......Lizzie falling in love with Darcy...Things settling down....The love in the air...The happiness all around....
I open my eye with a smile. The recollection of a happy ending and my mood is trying to get back on track. I smile at my silly fancies of a moment ago.
I decide to be active in the group discussion and charge on ahead. The thoughts in my mind, set aside for now, till I can and want to deal with them.
Now our group discussion is over and I am back again in class. I am not overly cheerful but neither am I morose. I can deal with all the stupid small issues that affected me I know.
Something has come up. A word here and a word there, things are not fully in my control. I feel myself getting angry, frustrated and annoyed with many things. I know that unnecessarily brooding over small things are going to make me feel worse. So I am determined not to let them affect me.
I think of my next character. Ayla.....her life...her childhood....the trials and tribulations she undergoes...I smile as I recollect the wonder in her eyes as she meets Jolander and "the others". I remember their journey from the valley to the Mamutoi and then finally back home to the Zelandonni...I remember and I smile.
I don't stop I go on...the Victorian era and the power and patches....I think of the pretty ladies in their gowns and the handsome Dukes and the menfolk busy with their cravats. I think of my books waiting for me at the hostel. Those that lend me company and those that can make me feel good.
Thinking of all my favorite characters and my books...Spending some time with all of them has made my day. I know my issues are just around the corner. But now I have given them a slot and there they will wait, unless I decide I want to tackle them.
And tackle them I will because now I am at peace with myself...
Everybody is talking and a sense of foreboding passes over me. So many things to do and so little time...Will everything be alright? Should I be more assertive on the matter or should I just let the sleeping dogs lie?
I remembered my post on Facebook. Something that I posted a few days back. " Life is a journey, Nothing is ever predictable and everything depends on the choice that we make". And suddenly at this juncture I really did not know what choice to make. It is my life and my choice and I really did not want to make the wrong choice. What do I do? What do I do first? Should I inform others? Will I be able to do my work on time and many more.
I know not many of them are big issues. They are all small things which I usually handle with care. But today I am unable to decide and unable to act. A sense of helplessness washes over me.
I close my eyes....I let my mind drift....A smile flashes by....A sight crosses my mind. Lizzie crosses the rods filled with slush wanting to reach Jane, hoping that her sister is doing good....Darcy finding himself falling in love with Lizzie.....His awkward proposal.....Her refusal.......Lizzie falling in love with Darcy...Things settling down....The love in the air...The happiness all around....
I open my eye with a smile. The recollection of a happy ending and my mood is trying to get back on track. I smile at my silly fancies of a moment ago.
I decide to be active in the group discussion and charge on ahead. The thoughts in my mind, set aside for now, till I can and want to deal with them.
Now our group discussion is over and I am back again in class. I am not overly cheerful but neither am I morose. I can deal with all the stupid small issues that affected me I know.
Something has come up. A word here and a word there, things are not fully in my control. I feel myself getting angry, frustrated and annoyed with many things. I know that unnecessarily brooding over small things are going to make me feel worse. So I am determined not to let them affect me.
I think of my next character. Ayla.....her life...her childhood....the trials and tribulations she undergoes...I smile as I recollect the wonder in her eyes as she meets Jolander and "the others". I remember their journey from the valley to the Mamutoi and then finally back home to the Zelandonni...I remember and I smile.
I don't stop I go on...the Victorian era and the power and patches....I think of the pretty ladies in their gowns and the handsome Dukes and the menfolk busy with their cravats. I think of my books waiting for me at the hostel. Those that lend me company and those that can make me feel good.
Thinking of all my favorite characters and my books...Spending some time with all of them has made my day. I know my issues are just around the corner. But now I have given them a slot and there they will wait, unless I decide I want to tackle them.
And tackle them I will because now I am at peace with myself...
No comments:
Post a Comment