A Pleasant Interlude

A few days ago, there was a message on one of the Facebook groups about a reunion at our college (Amrita). It was just a one-liner saying that we had a alumni meet (not so much a reunion) at so and so date and such and such time.

I was in two minds whether to go or not. It was during a weekend, on a Saturday to be precise. Residing in Cochin, this meant that I needed to leave Cochin either on Friday evening after office hours or early on Saturday. I had already been caught up the last weekend and also had to travel back to Trivandrum on Saturday night.

Though I was a state of mind to go, the constant travel and the fact that my entire weekend would be eaten up was a sore point for me. I had made up my mind, I was not to go. Anyway, it wasn't as if many had said they would turn up...So it really didn't matter…

But a push from an unexpected direction. My husband gently prodded me to go. After all I did want to go, and after we were to travel to Trivandrum, so what difference did it make if I left a bit early and fulfilled this wish?

My mind was in a state of flux, to go or not to go…

I booked my tickets for the journey. I was to travel on Saturday morning. I kept telling people that I hadn't decided whether to leave or not. "Go" or "Stay back and relax" were the alternating mantras in my mind. It was Friday night and I still hadn't decided what I was to do…

Come Friday night, and I decided I was leaving. I didn't care if I went for the alumnus meet but I wanted to go to the Ashram. The Ashram, which during my three years of college, was both my prison and my refuge. I shuddered at the memories of the hostel which washed over me but I longed to go to the Kali Temple and seek peace like I used to.

A View of the Ashram from Vallikav (Picture Courtesy Google)

A few hours into Saturday morning, I found myself standing at the Ashram. Drinking in all the sights, I could scare keep myself from gaping. So much had changed, it seemed. Many things seemed displaced but the Kali Temple I sought remained the same. I slowly walked up the stairs and went inside the peaceful abode.

A view of the Kali Temple from Outside (Picture Courtesy Google)

 The Kali Temple was a place of refuge for me. Many a times, when I was troubled during my college years, I would seek out a corner in this peaceful dwelling. It was a long hall where many could be seated. Towards the front was a elevated area where the Kali Temple and the beautiful Kali idol was placed. Over the three years that I had spent there, many a times had I come seeking for a place where I could pour out all that troubled me. It was a place where I could open myself up and pour all my sorrows and find the peace that I lusted for.

Inside the Kali Temple (Picture Courtesy Google)

I sat here for a long time and then went around the rest of the Ashram soaking in all the changes. As I wandered about, I overheard someone mentioning about a Darshan. I wasn't sure if I had heard right, after all I thought Amma wasn't in India. I went ahead to check things and I realized that Amma was very much in India and giving Darshans the very same day.

I went ahead to take a token for Darshan uncaring that I may miss the Alumnus meet that I had actually come for. The hours passed by and it was past time that I left for college to the alumnus meet. But I found that I wasn't too keen on going to college if it meant missing the darshan. But since I had enough time on my hands I went to college anyway.

A view of the college with all it's changes (Picture Courtesy Google)

Once the program was finished, we returned to the Ashram and waited patiently for our time to come. It had been close to four years since I had had a Darshan  with Amma. It was a time to contemplate, a time to ponder on life and a time to sit ..at peace with myself.  I left the same evening for Kollam where I was to wait for Gowtham, Rohith and Ashwin to pick me up for us to complete the remainder of our journey.

It was a unexpected turn to the day, a pleasant surprise, a long wait and a brief visit with Amma. The icing on the cake, were the moments that I had for myself, my thoughts and prayers.

Looking forward to the next visit to Amrita with the family...

Randomness

I gazed across the room in despair,  I wanted something that I could never get...The feeling of being closed in was becoming something I couldn't shake off…

My frustration grew as waves of despair rolled through me...I didn't know what to do, where to turn and what would be…I was helpless and bound…bound not by ropes but by words and trust...

I heard footsteps echoing down the corridor...the voice grew closer… I had to control...and compose myself...and not let the tears that threaten to flow , escape…

Moments passed and I struggled to think of something pleasant...I closed my eyes and fixed a smile on my face as I  walked across to greet that voice...I hoped that my face did not betray my thoughts as I struggled to keep my voice steady and hands from wavering.

I had to present  a cheerful facade. He was not to suspect that I was upset. I had to get him away from here where even the walls would hear what I had to say to him. I had to tell him, of what I had learnt, of what I suspected, the treachery…

I tried to move toward him naturally and waved toward him as if nothing were amiss. He seemed flustered and was running toward me. I strained to make out what he was saying but now I could hear footsteps behind me as well.

I felt a sudden jolt and something heavy hit me...I tried to turn but the hold I had on myself was slipping… The blackness seemed welcoming and I let myself sink into oblivion...