The Day She Had...

She was in a hurry. There was so much to do and so little time to do it all in. She was in the middle of a major cleaning activity which she needed to complete before the afternoon and then she was going to be travelling with her husband.

She finished one portion of the cleaning and was to begin the next round when she heard the loud shrill of the phone, cutting through the silence in the house. As she picked up her mobile, she saw that it was from the workplace.

Within minutes, she changed. She needed to go out and get something done related to her work.

"It's as well that this came up," she thought. There were other things that needed to be done outside more important than the cleaning.

She stepped out into the bright and sunny morning. Disoriented with the brightness of the sun, she took a minute before she caught an auto to the place where she needed to go.

She reached the gallery and viewed the beautiful paintings. Confusion set in as there were too many to choose from. She called a friend to ask for help. They decided to not to go ahead with the initial plan and that being done she was free to carry out her personal work.

She walked across the road and waited for a bus. Many buses passed her way but none that would take her to the destination she needed to go. She waited and waited and at last she saw her bus coming from far. She closed her bag, kept the phone inside and groped for the umbrella. That's when she realized, she had left it behind in the gallery.

She trudged back to the gallery, and then back again to the bus stop to begin the long wait.

But she didn't have to wait for long. A bus came soon and she left for the next destination.

She reached her stop soon and stepped into the large market place. She moved from one shop into the other , the personal work now being taken over by the shopaholic in her.  As shops passed and interesting things caught her eye, she forgot the time and set to bargain in earnest.

Another sharp ring of the phone, amidst the loud throng of the market jostled her out of the shopping frenzy she was in.  It’s when she grabbed the phone she realized that much time had passed. She needed to rush back, buy things to cook in a jiffy and then rush home to pack for the travel.

She hurried back and into another shop, this time closer to home. She looked and poked at fruits and vegetables before she settled on a few.  She moved outside lugging all that luggage to check out on the other fruits that shop had. As she struggled with her packages, he opened the door for her and smiled at her. She thanked and moved forward to finish the shopping and move home soon. He was forgotten and done with in her memory.

She finished paying and stepped out with another few packages in her hand. The bags were heavy and she was in a hurry. She moved forward when she heard a voice from behind. She turned and saw it was him.

"Don’t mind my saying one thing to you," he said.

He waited while she nodded.

"You are looking gorgeous", he said.

Shocked she could only stutter "Thank You".

He turned with a smile and walked away into the milling crowd.

Who is he, she doesn't know…

All she knows is that her bags feel lighter, her heart seems fuller and smile graces her face. She walks home with a spring in the step wondering, "Who was he….?"

Cooking Extravaganza

For those of you who have read my earlier post on "My experiments with cooking" will be surprised to hear that I have been making inroads with my cooking.

For the past almost three months I have actually been cooking or at least experimenting with cooking. I don't do too much other than make lunch for Gowtham and me to take to office. Of course the occasional laziness does set in and we scrape by.

My cooking skills were put to test just two weeks ago when his parents had other agendas and left the house to just the two of us. Within no time, we made plans and that too huge plans. Without another thought in mind, we made a few calls and were set… We were having dinner at home and had invited a few friends over.

One Monday evening, we sat and decided on the menu and went out to buy the required ingredients. As Tuesday evening  came forth, I began to panic, "What had I gotten myself into!!!" My panic spread and within no time both of us were taking turns in panicking and comforting and reassuring the other not to panic. After a bout of panic, we sat down and listed whatever needed to be done and sat down to cut the vegetables required for the 'big event'.

On Wednesday morning, instead of cooking for office, I made the preparations for the evening and decided to give cooking for lunch a skip.

We rushed home that day and were in by 4.45 pm. By 5.00 I began the marathon with Gowtham cheering me from the sides and also stepping in between to relieve me of my duties or to give me a break. So focused were we on finishing it all in time that we were done, ready and all set for everything in less than two hours.

So there we were, with two big bowls of Tomato Rice, Raita, some Munchy Friames, and a casserole of White Sauce Pasta. We then decided to order a plate of chicken gravy to satisfy those of carnivorous appetites.

The meal went well and the food, even though, it is only me putting it down here, was liked by everyone. The fault being only that in my haste to ensure that the food lasts for everyone, I ended up making double of what was actually required and we ended up eating the same things two day in a row.

All's well that ends well...until my next major attempt at cooking!!!

OMAK

A few months ago I needed a small write up  for a magazine.  That's when I hunted and hunted...and stumbled upon a weird  acronym - OMAK - It meant 'Observe Merit and Appreciate Kindness'

Now this concept of OMAK basically tries to highlight that different people have different qualities which could be considered as merits or shortcoming. And it talks about our natural tendency to focus on faults in things, people and everything around us. It cautions us  not to do so, but to "Observe Merit" in people and "Appreciate Kindness" in what they do.

As I began to read a few articles from the internet on this, I began to shake my head in negation,  "Of course not! We aren't that negative….It depends and varies from person to person and on the person's outlook"

As I finished reading and pondered a bit on this, I began to see that may be I had to change my stance.  Recalling a few instances made me realize that at many instances many people including me have been negative. I read a bit and tried to understand the concept and for a few days even tried practicing the concept of OMAK.

Now I had read an article, tried practicing the concept for a few days and that was it… Gradually, things returned to the way they were...

So caught up in life and the daily grind, going through the motions day in and day out, the smile that was plastered on my face was getting tinier and tinier. Was it because I was finding faults with everything or was it because I was in a situation to be considered as a fault?

I am unsure….

As I sit and ponder I realize that 'fault finding' and 'whining' have become a integral part of human lives. In fact we do not just limit it to these two. We have now also specialized in the area of 'sarcasm'.

You may shake your head and say no...But just think for a few moments and you realize that a lot of interactions that take place in our lives may have either of these things

What has changed so much in the world that these things  - fault finding, whining and sarcasm have become a part of our life?

I am really unsure and saddened by this. But something forced to revisit the article I read on OMAK earlier and I am directly quoting a few lines from the last paragraph here….

"It’s hard tochange the world; it’s certainly easier to change how we see the world. The keyto happiness has always been in our own hands. "

It put the smile back on my face and hope in my heart. Let's see what tomorrow brings!!!

Valentine's Day Special

This year Valentine's Day was like no other!!!

On the one hand, it was my first Valentine's day after marriage and as such the day was special enough with both of us trying to do little things and trying not to go overboard…

Me and my Roses... :)

 On the other hand, it was my first "Official" Valentines Day Celebration.

At Kancor, this year, we celebrated Valentine's Day in a small manner. I am unsure if in India generally such celebrations are seen. But it was a good experience with a lot of feel good and smiles across everyone's faces.

The anticipation was sparked off a day earlier with a mailer that talked about Valentine's Day providing the opportunity to celebrate and express appreciation in the workplace. This with a joinder to celebrate the day with a splash of "Red, Pink and White" ensured that the day was in hues of these shades.

We had heart shaped balloons and bowls filled with heart shaped candy to welcome as soon as one stepped inside the office. The day started of with something sweet as people moved to and fro and picked up candy from the bowl.

To accompany this, we went around giving each employee a red rose and wishing them on Valentine's Day. It was a pleasure to see the smiles on everyone's faces as they received these flowers.

Joseph and Me

To top up this good feeling was a gift from a few guests. We had a few auditors down at our office and as they saw the smiles and the good cheer, they went out of their way to contribute to the candy bowl with packets and packets of Gems.

Colourful Gems!!!

It was a sweet day with flowers and candy and smiles on many faces. Waiting to see how the next Valentine's day pans out!!!

A Pleasant Interlude

A few days ago, there was a message on one of the Facebook groups about a reunion at our college (Amrita). It was just a one-liner saying that we had a alumni meet (not so much a reunion) at so and so date and such and such time.

I was in two minds whether to go or not. It was during a weekend, on a Saturday to be precise. Residing in Cochin, this meant that I needed to leave Cochin either on Friday evening after office hours or early on Saturday. I had already been caught up the last weekend and also had to travel back to Trivandrum on Saturday night.

Though I was a state of mind to go, the constant travel and the fact that my entire weekend would be eaten up was a sore point for me. I had made up my mind, I was not to go. Anyway, it wasn't as if many had said they would turn up...So it really didn't matter…

But a push from an unexpected direction. My husband gently prodded me to go. After all I did want to go, and after we were to travel to Trivandrum, so what difference did it make if I left a bit early and fulfilled this wish?

My mind was in a state of flux, to go or not to go…

I booked my tickets for the journey. I was to travel on Saturday morning. I kept telling people that I hadn't decided whether to leave or not. "Go" or "Stay back and relax" were the alternating mantras in my mind. It was Friday night and I still hadn't decided what I was to do…

Come Friday night, and I decided I was leaving. I didn't care if I went for the alumnus meet but I wanted to go to the Ashram. The Ashram, which during my three years of college, was both my prison and my refuge. I shuddered at the memories of the hostel which washed over me but I longed to go to the Kali Temple and seek peace like I used to.

A View of the Ashram from Vallikav (Picture Courtesy Google)

A few hours into Saturday morning, I found myself standing at the Ashram. Drinking in all the sights, I could scare keep myself from gaping. So much had changed, it seemed. Many things seemed displaced but the Kali Temple I sought remained the same. I slowly walked up the stairs and went inside the peaceful abode.

A view of the Kali Temple from Outside (Picture Courtesy Google)

 The Kali Temple was a place of refuge for me. Many a times, when I was troubled during my college years, I would seek out a corner in this peaceful dwelling. It was a long hall where many could be seated. Towards the front was a elevated area where the Kali Temple and the beautiful Kali idol was placed. Over the three years that I had spent there, many a times had I come seeking for a place where I could pour out all that troubled me. It was a place where I could open myself up and pour all my sorrows and find the peace that I lusted for.

Inside the Kali Temple (Picture Courtesy Google)

I sat here for a long time and then went around the rest of the Ashram soaking in all the changes. As I wandered about, I overheard someone mentioning about a Darshan. I wasn't sure if I had heard right, after all I thought Amma wasn't in India. I went ahead to check things and I realized that Amma was very much in India and giving Darshans the very same day.

I went ahead to take a token for Darshan uncaring that I may miss the Alumnus meet that I had actually come for. The hours passed by and it was past time that I left for college to the alumnus meet. But I found that I wasn't too keen on going to college if it meant missing the darshan. But since I had enough time on my hands I went to college anyway.

A view of the college with all it's changes (Picture Courtesy Google)

Once the program was finished, we returned to the Ashram and waited patiently for our time to come. It had been close to four years since I had had a Darshan  with Amma. It was a time to contemplate, a time to ponder on life and a time to sit ..at peace with myself.  I left the same evening for Kollam where I was to wait for Gowtham, Rohith and Ashwin to pick me up for us to complete the remainder of our journey.

It was a unexpected turn to the day, a pleasant surprise, a long wait and a brief visit with Amma. The icing on the cake, were the moments that I had for myself, my thoughts and prayers.

Looking forward to the next visit to Amrita with the family...

Randomness

I gazed across the room in despair,  I wanted something that I could never get...The feeling of being closed in was becoming something I couldn't shake off…

My frustration grew as waves of despair rolled through me...I didn't know what to do, where to turn and what would be…I was helpless and bound…bound not by ropes but by words and trust...

I heard footsteps echoing down the corridor...the voice grew closer… I had to control...and compose myself...and not let the tears that threaten to flow , escape…

Moments passed and I struggled to think of something pleasant...I closed my eyes and fixed a smile on my face as I  walked across to greet that voice...I hoped that my face did not betray my thoughts as I struggled to keep my voice steady and hands from wavering.

I had to present  a cheerful facade. He was not to suspect that I was upset. I had to get him away from here where even the walls would hear what I had to say to him. I had to tell him, of what I had learnt, of what I suspected, the treachery…

I tried to move toward him naturally and waved toward him as if nothing were amiss. He seemed flustered and was running toward me. I strained to make out what he was saying but now I could hear footsteps behind me as well.

I felt a sudden jolt and something heavy hit me...I tried to turn but the hold I had on myself was slipping… The blackness seemed welcoming and I let myself sink into oblivion...

Big Girl

The image that one is fat and not worthy of attention, friendship or any of the good things in life...This concept didn't seem too unbelievable or strange.  A book on this seemed to be apt especially as it seemed to address something that is not too uncommon.

As I turned the pages of this book, I found myself getting engrossed in the characters and the story. The story of the life of Victoria Dawson, the protagonist, as she fights the battle with her weight issues.

The storyline describes the life of a chubby girl with blond hair and blue eyes. The initial description makes you imagine a beautiful young girl but the constantly reiterated is the fact that the girl is ordinary and little on the 'Big' side. Incomparable to the rest of her family who are described as 'tall and slender', 'fine-boned' and 'dark-haired beauty', she deals with disappointment of her family with her looks.

The story is in the form of a narration where we hear the incidents rather than see and feel them. The parents are depicted as self-centered, out-spoken and with a narcissistic outlook where they leave no stone unturned in belittling and ridiculing her, little realizing what they are actually doing.

The entire book repeatedly talks about how her parents belittle her and pass remarks which chip away her confidence bit by bit till she is absolutely low on self esteem and confidence and feels that she doesn’t deserved to be loved.  Victoria's struggle and her constant fight with her weight seems very realistic. But after a point one is frustrated by Victoria's non reactive nature to her parents remarks.

Victoria's character is depicted as that of a very nice girl, good in whatever she does, having a lot of accomplishments and rarely has she ever seemed to have done something that is not right. She come out a someone who is flawless. The only flaw in her is her lack of self-esteem and this is supposed to have been caused by her parents. This flawless depiction of Victoria where she never loses it or confronts her family seems unrealistic at this age and time.

Victoria's sister Grace, the beautiful anger and the perfect replica of her parents is at the center of attraction in this family. Both Victoria and Grace, though brought up by the same parents seem to have undergone two different childhoods. This difference in them and their childhood has not affected their love and bond. Despite the tension with her parents, the two sisters are close and it is a pleasure to see it.

Victoria is also shown to meet a shrink who helps her with understanding her issues and realizing her worth. The book shows her a someone who is desperately trying to lose weight and is also worried and wanting to find a man who can love her. But it is unfortunate that the book depicts that Victoria only makes some leeway with her esteem issues once she has a nose job done. She also seems to come into own her own only when she finds that perfect guy for her, which happens towards the end of the book.

Does this tell readers that you need to get some external enhancements or get a guy for recovering some of that self-esteem? Can it not be developed from within or only by yourself? These are some questions that would come into the readers mind as we continue reading...

The story moves on to her sisters engagement where  she has selected a man who is a replica of her father and Victoria is worried that Grace would become like their mother, under the constant shadow of their father. This incident and Victoria's efforts to dissuade her sister from what she believes is a wrong step brings about a slight estrangement between the two.

The book moves towards closure as the sisters solve their issues, the younger sister gets married. After the first serious estrangement, it was unfortunate that the book ended with the sister getting married to the "wrong guys". Things end well in the book otherwise…

I loved her friends especially Harlan and his boyfriend who seem very supportive of her. While I enjoyed this book and wanted to complete, it is not something that I may pick up again...